In the void - Not lost just a long walk home

     Ok fellow travelers, 

    On your left you'll see ... Wait I'm not the tour guide on this ride. I'm just a stupid tourist. I know babe the angry seeps out the edges. At least I'm aware of it. The winds blows and the tumble weeds tumble. I just a man moving to all appearance aimlessly through the ether. We the cellular detritus bump and amble along. We sense only the intracellular filled with static and random bits entering and exiting our walls. These things filter into our space and exfiltrate from us. The vibration of atomic resonance makes us drift and shimmer.  What control do we have this chaos fluid wriggling and touching. It affects us all in the organism of reality. The mind securely tucked in the inner envelope of Nucleus. We like to think untouched by baser matters. Little Shakespeare effect in the soup. The inner journey all that is unviolated in our miniscule time here. So soon we either divide or dissolve, and our bits and parts forever recycled into the cytoplasm of another or progeny.  

    Now the spark in the dark. Once in a great while cells collide. Synergy born of resonance and shared energy makes bonds and sharing of existence bearable. Our singular survival no longer alone. The dark void slinks away in the flash of brilliance. The dark fears us. We still continue, build strengthen, and orders of magnitude gained in vibrant light. The torrent of energy threatens to tear us apart. Will alone keeps our bond and the darkness retreats. Sensorium brings depth and meaning where none existed before. Only through sharing and creating can we be bound and free simultaneously. This is the ember of reason that bounds our individuality and drives us further. 

Wow that was deep and weird. but out of the blue lightning strikes. Some stand against the roar and others cower from the awesome power. 

See you next time. Flash ever so brightly! 

What men are these that claim our world and our lives?

 What men are these that claim our world and our lives? 

    They load our existence with fear and just plain muck. They see us not. Fleeting their driven flock pushed and herded. Not even guided by the nose as it was prior to our soullessness. We used to follow to the hung carrot of even a whisp of a dream. Live the American dream and have true freedom and peace. By the nose rung in brass to grasp and hang in space like the monkeys we were. Space monkeys flipping, turning, flailing, grasping, clinging to anything but the empty. The empty now defines us completely. They used in the past the dream to goad us into the barest of movement with which we brought about the Industrial revolution Ha! The tracks now lie abandoned to weird desert places like our yearning subconscious minds. Now they even want that last random unshaped country. Truely the undiscovered country. 

    Puds with not a pure spark and they have even taken our termite stick and rocks to beat together. You cannot beat this rock against that one it offends the Slime mold with the scatterings of once sharp ideas. How dare you come up with this non-sense, it's unseemly for a man of culture. We were warned by generations of the insane and marginalized. It like the fight you coward from that walked right up to you face and stands there laying down the law. The violence done at this point and now you we us lives with it. Sitting on the couch stuffing shit into our bodies. Has it been said enough. And now we are pushed on the uncomfortable seat of the worn-out couch of life. Thinking of anything but what could be had we only moved or struck or done anything besides sit on the ground. 

Ok I guess I've said enough. The rent ended and I thought maybe more to come. But it ended as quickly as it started. So there to is. Nothing changed and nothing effected. Still lost and fighting the unknown. 

Lgg 

Dude where's my Apocalypse?

     

Dude where's my Apocalypse?

    We the lost and misguided, 

Children the odd 80's and the college 90's were raised on TV and Movies and MTV. The last of the pre-cell phone offspring. The kids that brought forth the internet from BBS wildcat dial-ups to AOL and Netscape. We sat in darkened rooms beating our Commodore 64s and Apple IIes with Basic and modem chimes and chirps. Screaming Mothers and Father about phone lines tied up again and They never come out of there. Don't they need air? 

    The Entire time being fed the tales of Mad Max and Night of the living dead. We were made promises by a twisted society about moieties that never appeared. Fear and food gave us belief, and we gobbled it all up. This festering bubble of angst and who cares made us the fuck off generation. All you baby bumblers made us and the malaise made us angry. Everything fed straight to the brain. Greed is good but only if you Free willy and put a tail fin on a dolphin. No wonder years we were like frothing into Grunge from old classic Punk (Our Older siblings Listened to, Yea God save the queen!). And still secretly watching the Andy show at night huddled into crappy cardboard box yuppy dens. 

    And here the lone hero - Bunch of Crap! Rocketanski always got right back in the ol black and roared into the night. The world itself our only true enemy. Only fair damn it, We killed it by making the movie Medicine man and then it turns around and kills us right back in 2011. Which failed to meet our appetite for end of the world destruction. What is it about a 2 1/2 year cycle now for the news telling us it's the end again. But we're too stupid to remember anything or Do we? I think we are hoping all this crap comes to a grinding, screeching halt. DC al Fin. 

    We were jipped! They told us that all these crazy things were going to end us (well most of us). So long to the suckers PT Barnum, we've finally let go. Let it spin outta control - the center does not hold - not with a bang but a whimper. Yea bring it on all that shit. Cause then a humble quiet washing machine repair man can lead the Army of the 8 and roam the countryside. He will re-make the world, well in his crack pot way. But damn it, it will be his and he can do it. If and only if we as a species can shoo the flies off the picnic as it were. Just round up and shove a good 2/3rds in the hole. Let freedom ring. 

    Ignore all the blood and corpses. They just stink up our dream of wild and crazy cars running on corn brew flying across the plains. I was almost going to say they never showed end of the world flicks at the coast. Ha Waterworld - You can count on my boy Tu Tonka to come up with that one. Ok back off track here. I think you guys feel it too. The call of the Coward running from meat crazy people but give me time. You shut down all the Walmarts in the midwest and you'll see in less than 48 hours a mob of meat crazy people (maybe not zombies but worst) Coming house to house looking for your hidden can of Spam. That could be us. But only if the news lets us feel the safety again. The Artificial fear they spread floods the market for all other feelings. So we worry about eggs and meat. Toilet paper availability: it's not the price but the wiping certainty that really get em going.  If it were price we'd stopped using gas long ago. So yes fear suppressed the natural ability to have real calamity in our lives. 

    And in Bethlehem the beast creeps silently and puts up a Tent on the side of the street then shits on the sidewalk. Now I don't blame the human; He is a mess.  The ease with which our culture turns away and lets the real cause slip away is the true crime here. We have no Alpha or Apex Predator. I watched never cry wolf. The only thing disney has done in decades that is worth it (besides Tron). And the Black Hole. Sorry I digress, The arrival of the HyperReal Obscures our Grasp on The Real. Push the simulation into Hyperreal. 

I still feel like they owe me an Apocalypse. That chance to break the bonds that we shackle ourselfs with. The squirrel will dash back into the road at the last second for the thrill of survival or he's just nuts. Here we are looking outward and inward into the void which surrounds us. Yes it's in there too. For all you craven fear driven chattle cattle. The dark at the end of the tunnel. What now? I leave you with a quote from Pump Up the Volume. We live in a totally exhausted decade, with No one to look up to and nothing to look forward to. 

Till the next end of the world. 

Random Thoughts

 OK we're back uh. So this is another post on my blogger. OK so we're back and I don't know what I want to talk about tonight. No really I don't want to want to talk about. OK I was trying to get it to ride out. Write out correction the word period. Had a good day really did the 24 hour roller coaster with the **** edibles I don't know what it is they just take so long to get out of the system. But I don't know worthwhile right I guess. I'm still weirded out is rewriting self censorship or is it your first rawest work is your best edition of what you meant to say. Alright I don't know David you know Alan Ginsberg sorry Allen Ginsberg was one of the first guys that thought of that ****. He he compulsively rewrote his his works his papers um. Because of this very thing he didn't know I don't know if it was trust in himself. But Jack Kerouac on the other hand said just put it out there just put it out there **** the world you know. I hear your best work is your most raw unfiltered thought processes. What will become of language will language persist into the future.

The convergent course between humans and the machines. is there any way of rectifying this without destroying one side or the other because they're going to be and we're here the dogs crying at the door again. What happened **** to kick you out come on in ok. Mavericks here to help us with this crazy **** idea. So we're on a course to become this organ Mecca mechanical not Mecca like those **** or organic and mechanical organisms combined. We're going to have to face this we're going to have to face it we're going to think about it there's no way of avoiding it. I mean we're in the age of AI we're already coping I guess he would say with the beginnings of systemic artificial intelligence taking what we would consider human jobs or human placements of sorts. Do we fight it or do we dive headlong into it if we fight it I think we're ****. Because and here's the reason why I say because it's a tidal force in our evolution there's no way you can fight something that is this ingrained in ourselves to create to do to become part of. Yeah I don't think it's avoidable at all I think if we try we're self sabotaging ourself for moving to the next level the next thing that will be us in the future. But why do we get we're waiving engagements you know why why do we even engage it aceplus yes hey I'm going to pause you for a second because the monkeys are in here.

A really Groovy time in my life

 A really Groovy time in my life

Ok here it is. I am now on a journey in my life . So this crazy journey trying to figure out what to say about this, my life has gotten better and simpler but still lacks a few things but nothing major um. I'm really enjoying my time with Thomas. Watching him grow watching him become a man. He always intrigues me and befuddles me at the same time. He makes me crazy with the things he does. I worry about his drug usage but it's nothing major . Let's call it growing up in this crazy crazy time that we live in and he's doing well he's a good young man. He has good friends you know Jesus is a blessing to have around he helps keep him stable. But at the same time they're in there in the kitchen playing grab **** and making monkey noises. But for me it's really been AA mind expanding moment in my life where I'm living without fear for the first time. Not fear of total economic crash and disaster and being a hobo. But a period of not having that fear of judgment of lack of success of that general feeling of not being where you're supposed to be. You know I haven't achieved a lot in my life but for what I have done I feel successful. I help people I love my job and the insurance industry. How do I put this, I am feeling as if I'm more on the path than I've ever been. I don't feel as lost in the world and in my life.

So I guess wait a second he's back and he's making further monkey noises. They fixed dinner and he keeps bursting into my room. But I guess what I'm getting at is that I've kind of honed and focused this moment to be at least partly in control of who I am and where I'm going. If you could only hear the noises I hear coming out of the kitchen and the slamming of doors. Sorry about that I had to deal with him and move my widget out of the way so I could see what I was typing. I'm enjoying a certain level of respect am I age and considering my relative maturity I guess. Y'all know I'm kind of a moron. But that being said I feel that I'm well rounded educationally spiritually I'm not going to say emotionally because my brother still thinks so freaking gut Asperger's or something. And now he's in here dust rolling my**** they recorded nice. I'm not even gonna add at this edit this. But it is kind of fitting that it's just a ramble a verbal ramble of my life and my stuff. But II do need to get back to writing and I think I've kind of found my spot you know where my my logical and mental record doesn't skip every time I put the needle on it.

Anyways as I was beginning to drift. I've settled a great deal as far as past stuff. The process of growing older and letting go of stuff from the past. And just generally feeling well and maybe a little mushroom usage here and there. that's new to my life too. But we'll talk about that at a different time and it's a whole other discussion. Alright well I'm sending love to all my loved ones and I apologize for anybody that has to read this crap. But it is an outlet and this is my first time trying dictation windows 11 is pretty solid I dig it. Okay till next time guys and I'm going to try to keep going with this stuff again. And we'll see out there amongst the stars

Precious Times Fading Fast

 

Life and rocks

Writing down thoughts and ideas. 

    The time whizzes by flashing bits and pieces. Tracking time becomes more and more difficult as I get older. The imagery is of my twisted and almost mystical path through this life. Erosion of the outer layers makes me wistful recalling the Smooth river rock parable that was told me by my Dad many times. But Erosion also imparts loss. At what point does the smoothing amount to just loss of what would other wise by character. 

      So I guess time smooths you out but eventually strips you of anything that would set you apart. Leaves you just another smooth round rock in a bed of millions of smooth rocks.